exhillaration!

I got up and sang two songs tonight at an open mic night in my neighborhood! I am a singer who hasn't been singing except in synagogue or at people's weddings, for perhaps the past ten years. This weekend, I decided enough was enough. So I decided to go; sent a text to a bunch of friends many of whom showed up, and got up and sang. It's a big deal for me. Music and singing are so central to who I am and who I know myself to be and yet I have been blocking that for myself for such a long time. I would do it for others when they asked but never just for me because it makes me happy. Tonight I broke that barrier and it feels great. And it also feels like a crucial step to opening the creative flood gates in me that have been blocked and have possibly had something to do with blocking my ability to conceive. (Yes, yes along with all the other things too!) I just had to write that here. To share it and recognize in this new space I am creating through the blog - that I am finally getting mySelf back and it feels good.